It's just me being random~

"Those who are heartless, once cared too much."




So I was just scrolling my tumblr dashboard when I found that quote, which I can really relate to.


I am the type of person who cares too much all the fucking time. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I told myself not to care too much. This heart just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of being deeply disappointed. 


I told myself that I shouldn't care too much. That I shouldn't have taken things this far. I regret this so much.


We can't live alone. As much as you hate to admit, you can't deny this fact.
Me too, I can't live alone. I need someone to share my thoughts with. I need someone who can understand me and won't judge me.


But hey, this is the reality; society is fucked.
I don't know how many times I've said this before. Society is fucked, that you won't be able to impress people. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how big the effort you put, people would always judge- people would always bring you down. Sometimes that's because you did something wrong, or because they're jealous of you. Or let me give you one more ridiculous reason; sometimes they hurt you with no reason at all, because they find it funny. It hurts, doesn't it?


I'm not saying I'm perfect or what. I am far from perfect, overall- I'm kinda fucked up. I tease, I insult, I bitch about everything.


But there's always a part of me that tells me to 'please, make people around you happy with your existence.' 


I told myself that people aren't that bad. They have hearts, too..
Yeah, but this is not what this world is showing me..


I've been trying to make things clear to myself. That I don't have to care too much. That I should be able to push away the feeling of 'being guilty' for not being able to impress people. Because everything I did in the past was never enough. Because I was always the one being disappointed all the time, I was the one being let down. I hate that, and there's no way I would let it happen in the future. Ever again.


People may say that I've took the wrong 'decision'. But again, I won't care that much. Because I can't tell whether they were being sincere or they were just toying with my feelings. In the end, I got nothing but hurt.


I need people I can trust. People that understands me, people who'll stay by my side no matter what happens. People who believes me even when I'm wrong, people who believes that I have the potency to succeed, people who'll never look down on me. Regardless the fact that I too, have too much flaws.


God, did I ask too much?


I promise to be sincere to people who treats me well. If one day I make a mistake, please forgive me. Please guide me. Lift me up when I fall, help me when I think I couldn't make it. But again.. is it too much to ask for?


I'm grateful for some people who stays beside me after all of these times. Please tell me I'm not being over-confident? hahaha~


And if you ever find this post annoying, .. should I stop posting things like this? No. I'm doing what I like, and I don't care about the reason why I can't express my thoughts. Stop being judgemental. I'd like to have my freedom, please?


Do not feel offended. Unless you think I'm talking about you ;p


PEACE OUT! ^___^




[Pls don't mind my broken grammar XDXDXD]