23/09/12

Hey guys guys guys guys guys!!
Oh my god I can't believe it's Monday tomorrow!!!!
I'm starting to hate Monday thanks to campus life #k. Well class starts at 9 (so can sleep till 7) and ends at 12:20 on Monday and 14:50 on Tuesday-Thursday but still, there are too much assignments to be done and.....

I've said before that I have problems with confidence. I feel so sick whenever the lecturer starts to ask questions and point random students to answer. I would be like "what if I can't answer?" "What if people laugh at me?"
I really think I need someone to talk to about this, someone who would encourage me and understands me, and would be willing to help me get through this. You have no idea how shitty that feels.

I'm writing this post while listening to EXO-M's Baby Don't Cry and this song has successfully made me wanna cry.. TT


I don't know, man.. I really don't know..

Can someone please teach me how to be confident of myself? I suck at it.

I really think that I need to get used to this brand new society. Adjusting yourself in the whole new society isn't easy at all, and this makes me miss school..

I miss talking to my friends, I miss making them listen to K-Pop, I miss sneaking snacks on the drawer, I miss going to the canteen together and I miss eating ice creams with my classmates..
Those are the things I wish I could do with my new friends here :'(

Everything was so free back then...


This post is so useless but-

:'( :'( :'( 

D';

Readers....

I think I am going to faint from too much feels..

I really wanna pour all my feelings here but the moment I placed my hands on this keyboard, I am so sure that I am going to miss out on some details because my memory isn't that good so-

Okay.

Where do I start?

I remember posting a tweet early in the morning- it was the very first day; 

"Man.. Im still lying on my bed maN it's my very first day and i kept on snoozing off my alarm until my mom woke me up omGGG" 

And my bebe Jane Angelene replied this tweet of mine with;

"@deichiie wake up bish first official day of being a college kid lolol hwaitingggg tell me all about it after u're done with class"

This made my day, man! I love you Jane Angelene let me airhug you<3

Today was the second day of me being an official college student. I know it's too fast for me to judge but I seriously have no idea of how things are gonna get better.

Something bad happened today, and I had no idea what was happening back then until some of my friends told me. I was panicked as always but then they said that I don't need to worry and it's not my fault so-

I am trying my best to forget it and I'll be extra careful from now on. A promise I made with myself!! I was so sorry and I hope they're fine!

As I've said before, that today was only the second day of my life as a college student, and it might be too fast for me to judge, but if things are going this way till the end, I am gonna say that this kind of life isn't what I imagined before. 

Maybe it's just plain stupid to wish things would go as you planned..

Idk man, I am really busted.

Why am I being emo man WHYYY you tell me whEyYYY

Oh gosh. I just hope that I can survive this path and I hope I can really enjoy this..

I've got some new friends! They are nice and some of them stan K-idols too I think I am going to faint man I thought I was the only one being different, because most of the people I know despise K-Pop, let alone K-idols.. So, I really feel lucky to have met them!!

Honestly, I have problem of speaking in front of the public and I know that this is kind of lame, but I really can't. I'd be sweating eventhough the class was chilly, I'd be stuttering incoherent words, I'd be forgetting all of the words that I should be saying. Idk I just- idk.

I am honestly afraid of what people would say about me. I am afraid they would say something bad about my appearance or character or whatever, man. I am really afraid of mostly anything.

And some of the lecturers had to randomly ask questions and point out random people to answer.. I was like, what if I couldn't answer? I would be so embarrassed of myself. 

And I did that mistake once today. I'll make sure I wouldn't do that again. I think I was going to cry because it was supposed to be easy and-

I totally had no idea of what to say. Good job, Dessy. You're such a failure.

Talking about my name. Just in case you guys have no idea of whose blog are you reading, I would like to tell you that my name is Dessy.

D-E-S-S-Y.

I really hate it when people typed my name as 'Desy' I mean, is it that hard to type a double 's'?!

Or 'Desi'-

That's just plain gross. I can tolerate if you really had no idea of how to spell my name, but if I've told you- esp more than once- I really expect you to spell that effing name of mine properly.

Or else, I would hate you.

Some people would think that I am too fussy or what but I don't really care about that. I just want my name to be spelled correctly, is that too much to ask?

And there's this one person who has been spelling my name as 'Desy' or even 'Desi' eventhough I have told him for idk how many times (I lost count) that my name is DESSY.

And I ended up being a total bitch.

Seriously I think I am going to explode anytime sooner. Sure I got awesome friends but I need to focus on my major. I don't wanna fail, man, I wish I wouldn't have to fail. I totally have no confidence right now..

And I began to think if this is what I really want.

I've been very tired lately. I sure had enough sleep but I am still tired.

Maybe I am more like 'mentally tired' i really don't know omg there are so many questions that I can't answer and I end up saying 'I don't know' le sigh. 

Tomorrow would be the third day, and I really wish things would go smoothly...

TT

I've been whining and complaining so much it's unhealthy I feel like crying omg..

I promise myself that I have to post happy stuffs man I mean life wouldn't always be that hard on me..

I think that's all since my brain betrayed me and refused to help me think of what I should share.. or is it because of my heavy eyes? 

Goodnight people I wish you nice days ahead and if you happen to read this nonsensical complains of mine til this far, then what I am going to say is that you've successfully reached the end of my post for today...

Thanks for reading!! Do talk to me on Twitter @deichiie okay! <3 I love you all my dear readers I really love you thanks for spending your time reading this post...