23/09/12

Hey guys guys guys guys guys!!
Oh my god I can't believe it's Monday tomorrow!!!!
I'm starting to hate Monday thanks to campus life #k. Well class starts at 9 (so can sleep till 7) and ends at 12:20 on Monday and 14:50 on Tuesday-Thursday but still, there are too much assignments to be done and.....

I've said before that I have problems with confidence. I feel so sick whenever the lecturer starts to ask questions and point random students to answer. I would be like "what if I can't answer?" "What if people laugh at me?"
I really think I need someone to talk to about this, someone who would encourage me and understands me, and would be willing to help me get through this. You have no idea how shitty that feels.

I'm writing this post while listening to EXO-M's Baby Don't Cry and this song has successfully made me wanna cry.. TT


I don't know, man.. I really don't know..

Can someone please teach me how to be confident of myself? I suck at it.

I really think that I need to get used to this brand new society. Adjusting yourself in the whole new society isn't easy at all, and this makes me miss school..

I miss talking to my friends, I miss making them listen to K-Pop, I miss sneaking snacks on the drawer, I miss going to the canteen together and I miss eating ice creams with my classmates..
Those are the things I wish I could do with my new friends here :'(

Everything was so free back then...


This post is so useless but-

:'( :'( :'( 

D';

Readers....

I think I am going to faint from too much feels..

I really wanna pour all my feelings here but the moment I placed my hands on this keyboard, I am so sure that I am going to miss out on some details because my memory isn't that good so-

Okay.

Where do I start?

I remember posting a tweet early in the morning- it was the very first day; 

"Man.. Im still lying on my bed maN it's my very first day and i kept on snoozing off my alarm until my mom woke me up omGGG" 

And my bebe Jane Angelene replied this tweet of mine with;

"@deichiie wake up bish first official day of being a college kid lolol hwaitingggg tell me all about it after u're done with class"

This made my day, man! I love you Jane Angelene let me airhug you<3

Today was the second day of me being an official college student. I know it's too fast for me to judge but I seriously have no idea of how things are gonna get better.

Something bad happened today, and I had no idea what was happening back then until some of my friends told me. I was panicked as always but then they said that I don't need to worry and it's not my fault so-

I am trying my best to forget it and I'll be extra careful from now on. A promise I made with myself!! I was so sorry and I hope they're fine!

As I've said before, that today was only the second day of my life as a college student, and it might be too fast for me to judge, but if things are going this way till the end, I am gonna say that this kind of life isn't what I imagined before. 

Maybe it's just plain stupid to wish things would go as you planned..

Idk man, I am really busted.

Why am I being emo man WHYYY you tell me whEyYYY

Oh gosh. I just hope that I can survive this path and I hope I can really enjoy this..

I've got some new friends! They are nice and some of them stan K-idols too I think I am going to faint man I thought I was the only one being different, because most of the people I know despise K-Pop, let alone K-idols.. So, I really feel lucky to have met them!!

Honestly, I have problem of speaking in front of the public and I know that this is kind of lame, but I really can't. I'd be sweating eventhough the class was chilly, I'd be stuttering incoherent words, I'd be forgetting all of the words that I should be saying. Idk I just- idk.

I am honestly afraid of what people would say about me. I am afraid they would say something bad about my appearance or character or whatever, man. I am really afraid of mostly anything.

And some of the lecturers had to randomly ask questions and point out random people to answer.. I was like, what if I couldn't answer? I would be so embarrassed of myself. 

And I did that mistake once today. I'll make sure I wouldn't do that again. I think I was going to cry because it was supposed to be easy and-

I totally had no idea of what to say. Good job, Dessy. You're such a failure.

Talking about my name. Just in case you guys have no idea of whose blog are you reading, I would like to tell you that my name is Dessy.

D-E-S-S-Y.

I really hate it when people typed my name as 'Desy' I mean, is it that hard to type a double 's'?!

Or 'Desi'-

That's just plain gross. I can tolerate if you really had no idea of how to spell my name, but if I've told you- esp more than once- I really expect you to spell that effing name of mine properly.

Or else, I would hate you.

Some people would think that I am too fussy or what but I don't really care about that. I just want my name to be spelled correctly, is that too much to ask?

And there's this one person who has been spelling my name as 'Desy' or even 'Desi' eventhough I have told him for idk how many times (I lost count) that my name is DESSY.

And I ended up being a total bitch.

Seriously I think I am going to explode anytime sooner. Sure I got awesome friends but I need to focus on my major. I don't wanna fail, man, I wish I wouldn't have to fail. I totally have no confidence right now..

And I began to think if this is what I really want.

I've been very tired lately. I sure had enough sleep but I am still tired.

Maybe I am more like 'mentally tired' i really don't know omg there are so many questions that I can't answer and I end up saying 'I don't know' le sigh. 

Tomorrow would be the third day, and I really wish things would go smoothly...

TT

I've been whining and complaining so much it's unhealthy I feel like crying omg..

I promise myself that I have to post happy stuffs man I mean life wouldn't always be that hard on me..

I think that's all since my brain betrayed me and refused to help me think of what I should share.. or is it because of my heavy eyes? 

Goodnight people I wish you nice days ahead and if you happen to read this nonsensical complains of mine til this far, then what I am going to say is that you've successfully reached the end of my post for today...

Thanks for reading!! Do talk to me on Twitter @deichiie okay! <3 I love you all my dear readers I really love you thanks for spending your time reading this post...

Selfish thoughts.

Uhm; Hi, People. Long time no see.
I have no idea of how long I haven't been blogging. I've been wanting to blog, but I just couldn't find the mood.
I am not sharing photos right now, I am sharing my thoughts.

So I was scrolling down on tumblr, when I saw this post about a girl saying things about 'dying'. And there's this girl- I suppose should be one of her friend- she's scared to death. She's worried of what that girl might be doing.

This friend of her asked for help from people to reblog her post, or at least try to contact her via tumblr, twitter, etc.

I consider that 'missing girl' as a lucky girl. She has someone who cares for her, someone who's worried about her whereabouts.

I honestly envy her. When I was being weird or stuffs, people didn't even care, or realize. Or worse; they knew something was wrong but refuse to do anything about it. I am a human with a heart too; I simply need a shoulder to cry on whenever I feel down.

I am tired of being the one chasing. I am tired of being the one fighting for a relationship. I am a very selfish person, I am too sensitive, and I usually do something without thinking twice. My insecurity is killing me bit by bit.

I am sad, I am disappointed of how I don't matter.
I admit that I've done many mistakes in the past, and I still make mistakes even till now. But please lead me, please tell me what is wrong and what is right, please help me to improve.
I want nothing but people to care about me, people to ask me what happened without me needing to say anything.

So hereby, I'm thanking every single of you who sticks with me up till now. I am grateful of having you guys asking me what's happening or what's bothering me. I notice every single of you, but to be honest-now- I don't feel complete because someone is missing.

I am sorry for my selfish thoughts, and the next time I blog I may find this post cheesy or disgusting. But whatever, I just need to get these things out.

I just feel like giving up on everything I do...

A day for my hair.

So this is what I've been wanting to do: getting my hair dyed.

It was saturday, and I can't wait to get a new color for my hair~ ~ 

These are pics I took of my hair before it was being cut and dyed T_T I hate cutting my hair tho but it was damaged.. T_T soo, yeah. 

Since my hair was long and thick, it took such a long time~!!! Mom left me for a while because it was really crowded and she went to buy me food~

Yeah it was from GRAND DUCK~!!!

1....

 2....

 3....!!!!

I swear it's friggin yummyyyy~!! Ate it on my way back home >_< 

I'm going to show you what my hair look like now~

I know the last pic is kind of scary since you can see the scalp :| 

So what was the name of the color? Brown? Orange? Chestnut Brown?

Doesn't really matter since I like it~ But there's that one people who said rude things to me because I dyed my hair.. then it's okay, as long as I'm happy with my own decision. If you hate my hair color that much why did you even bother asking me where I got it dyed ~_~ srsly..

People are always going to judge, though. I gotta learn not to give a damn about it.

Rude, people are rude TT____TT

Say Goodbye to School~!!!

Uhm hello readers~ I guess I've been procrastinating for too long, hahaha~

Anyway, I passed the National Exam~!!! Woohooooo~!!!!! RELIEVED!!

 This is mine~

 Mine + Shery's~

 Mine + Shery's + Lia's~

 BOOOWSHHHHHHHHHHH~!!! I PASSED~!!!!

I've been living in misery for like a month after the examination T_T It was scary ok!

So say bye to school~ 

 That's me and William Ho~!! He's such a troll =)) look at that expression~hahahhh

 And I got this B2ST keychain from Lia~!!! ♡  Thanks baby~

 I slip it on my car key~ haha isn't it cute~??

It's just me being random~

"Those who are heartless, once cared too much."




So I was just scrolling my tumblr dashboard when I found that quote, which I can really relate to.


I am the type of person who cares too much all the fucking time. I couldn't even remember when was the last time I told myself not to care too much. This heart just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of being deeply disappointed. 


I told myself that I shouldn't care too much. That I shouldn't have taken things this far. I regret this so much.


We can't live alone. As much as you hate to admit, you can't deny this fact.
Me too, I can't live alone. I need someone to share my thoughts with. I need someone who can understand me and won't judge me.


But hey, this is the reality; society is fucked.
I don't know how many times I've said this before. Society is fucked, that you won't be able to impress people. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how big the effort you put, people would always judge- people would always bring you down. Sometimes that's because you did something wrong, or because they're jealous of you. Or let me give you one more ridiculous reason; sometimes they hurt you with no reason at all, because they find it funny. It hurts, doesn't it?


I'm not saying I'm perfect or what. I am far from perfect, overall- I'm kinda fucked up. I tease, I insult, I bitch about everything.


But there's always a part of me that tells me to 'please, make people around you happy with your existence.' 


I told myself that people aren't that bad. They have hearts, too..
Yeah, but this is not what this world is showing me..


I've been trying to make things clear to myself. That I don't have to care too much. That I should be able to push away the feeling of 'being guilty' for not being able to impress people. Because everything I did in the past was never enough. Because I was always the one being disappointed all the time, I was the one being let down. I hate that, and there's no way I would let it happen in the future. Ever again.


People may say that I've took the wrong 'decision'. But again, I won't care that much. Because I can't tell whether they were being sincere or they were just toying with my feelings. In the end, I got nothing but hurt.


I need people I can trust. People that understands me, people who'll stay by my side no matter what happens. People who believes me even when I'm wrong, people who believes that I have the potency to succeed, people who'll never look down on me. Regardless the fact that I too, have too much flaws.


God, did I ask too much?


I promise to be sincere to people who treats me well. If one day I make a mistake, please forgive me. Please guide me. Lift me up when I fall, help me when I think I couldn't make it. But again.. is it too much to ask for?


I'm grateful for some people who stays beside me after all of these times. Please tell me I'm not being over-confident? hahaha~


And if you ever find this post annoying, .. should I stop posting things like this? No. I'm doing what I like, and I don't care about the reason why I can't express my thoughts. Stop being judgemental. I'd like to have my freedom, please?


Do not feel offended. Unless you think I'm talking about you ;p


PEACE OUT! ^___^




[Pls don't mind my broken grammar XDXDXD]

ASDFFSHJJKLLLL

OMGGGG PPPLLLL~! These last few days have been ASLSJKGDIFAKSNHAFMNSN WORRYING.

I'm afraid I couldn't pass this National Exam since it was real hard for me (I'm not smart and I'm a lazy ass) lmao. RLLYYYY WORRIEDDDD till now T_T omgg what should I do AS<DJA<NIDKAJSIKNIAKS

Holiday, with those worries filling my head. I'm so screwed up this time. I honestly don't rly mind with the bad score as long as I pass T_T seriouslyyyy GOD HELPPP MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN.

People around me told me to just pray and let God to the rest.. they're true. But I just can't seem to relax T_T eotteohke?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

Geez~~~ so basically Day 2&3 were HELL. COMPLETE HELL. Except for day 4, everything should be okay.. should be. SHOULD BE. I hope twas real ok.

I'm still worrying abt my score eventhough I said that I'll just depend on God T_________T ASLFJAKHFUIKHNISKDHIEWKNCISD *can't explain this feeling BEEEPPP*

Let's move on with the next topic! *distracting myself so that I won't worry about the result of NE.*

So I talked to Shery via phone and we (actually me, cause I talked too much) talked about lot of things. Shery even gave me a link to Vaness and Junho's duet MV! Junho's singing in MANDARIIIINNN *KDIEDADY* hahahahh~ He's hot there! And Vaness is a complete hottie too but I still prefer Junho since he's cute :3

SE7EN & PARK HANBYUL.

I wonder if you guys have any idea about them? OMGGGGGG I ENVY THEM TO THE MAAXXXX!

How can a couple date for 10 years??? Damn, it's a long period of time!

*clapclapclap* They really make a great couple!

Shery asked me to watch Se7en's "I'm going crazy" 

HERE!!!! Full credits to the owner of this vid! 

OKAAAYYY I TOTALLY MELTED. After done watching that MV, you guys should proceed to --> 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTOJ2pbWS7U&feature=channel&list=UL

cr; to owner of this vid *bows*

So basically it was like a story about them. I mean Se7en and Hanbyul. About their fights, about what they have been through. The second link leads you to Se7en's confession about his relationship. I TOTALLY SHIP THEM!!!

Go watch it, you won't regret! 

Ah ya, by the way I've been listening to this song-> Destiny<- by Super Junior M.

SERIOOUSLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY OHMYGODOHMYGOD. Beautiful harmony~ I died already~

This song has been on my iPod for a long time, it's just that I barely notice it, until few days ago... I just happened to randomly clicked on a song, and it turned out to be this song. Then I took my iPod and read the translation~ (since it's on Mandarin) anddd DAAANGGG~!!! I MELTEDDDDD! *Breathe, Dessy, breathe.* GEEZ.

Whoever composed this song is a REAL GENIUSSSSSSSS ALLABYU!!!

Wanna catch a glimpse of the lyrics? I'll share it here~ (again, cr to whoever translated this).

Destiny- Super Junior- M

[汉字/Chinese Characters]

世界是座孤獨的城堡
彼此尋找
當天使吹響愛的號角
看到你的微笑

我在這裡 你在彼岸尋覓
日夜從我們之間流去

在人海裡 把手伸給了你
我想抓住命運的勇氣
愛 一路崎嶇 我終於能擁抱你

遇上你的命運線 觸碰到真愛的一瞬間
兩個人的命運線 兩條路有了一樣終點
別的風景再美不留戀
你是我最明媚四月天
回憶的每段碎片
做成愛的書籤

遇上你的命運線 原來天堂就是你身邊
兩個人的命運線 幸福握在交纏指縫間
用眼神無需任何語言
只要望向彼此就聽見
一首無聲的和弦
奏著永恆不變
愛你的每一天

旋轉木馬唱著d小調
童話多好
我們不用幸福的青鳥
只要互相依靠

我在這裡 你在彼岸尋覓
日夜從我們之間流去

在人海裡 把手伸給了你
我想抓住命運的勇氣
愛 一路崎嶇 我終於能擁抱你

遇上你的命運線 觸碰到真愛的一瞬間
兩個人的命運線 兩條路有了一樣終點
別的風景再美不留戀
你是我最明媚四月天
回憶的每段碎片
做成愛的書籤

遇上你的命運線 原來天堂就是你身邊
兩個人的命運線 幸福握在交纏指縫間
用眼神無需任何語言
只要望向彼此就聽見
一首無聲的和弦
奏著永恆不變
愛你的每一天

每一頁 愛的書籤(在每一頁 愛的書籤)
每一句 永恆不變(oh~永恆不變)

*遇上你的命運線 觸碰到真愛的一瞬間=
兩個人的命運線 兩條路有了一樣終點
用眼神無需任何語言
只要望向彼此就聽見
一首無聲的和弦
奏著永恆不變
愛你的每一天

_____________________________________________________________________

[拼音/Pinyin]

shi jie shi zuo gu du de cheng bao
bi ci xun zhao
dang tian shi chui xiang ai de hao jiao
kan dao ni de wei xiao

wo zai zhe li ni zai bi an xun mi
ri ye cong wo men zhi jian liu qu

zai ren hai li ba shou shou shen gei le ni
wo xiang zhua zhu ming yun de yong qi
ai yi lu qi qu wo zhong yu neng yong bao ni

yu shang ni de ming xian du peng dao zhen ai de yi shun jian
liang ge ren de ming yun xian liang tiao lu you le yi yang zhong dian
bie de feng jing zai mei bu liu lian
ni shi wo zui ming mei si yue tian
hui yi de mei duan sui pian
zuo cheng ai de shu qian

yu shang ni de ming yun xian yuan lai tian tang jiu shi ni sheng bian
liang ge ren de ming yun xian xing fu wo zai jiao chan zhi feng jian
yong yan shen wu xu ren he yu yan
zhi yao wang xiang bi ci jiu ting jian
yi shou wu sheng de he xian
zou zhe yong heng bu bian
ai ni de mei yi tian

xuan zhuan mu ma chang zhe d xiao diao
tong hua duo hao
wo men bu yong xing fu de qing niao
zhi yao hu xiang yi kao

wo zai zhe li ni zai bi an xun mi
ri ye cong wo men zhi jian liu qu
zai ren hai li ba shou shen gei le ni
wo xiang zhua zhu ming yun de yong qi
ai yi lu qi qu wo zhong yu neng yong bao ni

yu shang ni de ming xian du peng dao zhen ai de yi shun jian
liang ge ren de ming yun xian liang tiao lu you le yi yang zhong dian
bie de feng jing zai mei bu liu lian
ni shi wo zui ming mei si yue tian
hui yi de mei duan sui pian
zuo cheng ai de shu qian

yu shang ni de ming yun xian yuan lai tian tang jiu shi ni sheng bian
liang ge ren de ming yun xian xing fu wo zai jiao chan zhi feng jian
yong yan shen wu xu ren he yu yan
zhi yao wang xiang bi ci jiu ting jian
yi shou wu sheng de he xian
zou zhe yong heng bu bian
ai ni de mei yi tian

mei yi ye ai de shu qian (zai mei yi ye ai de shu qian)
mei yi ju yong heng bu bian (oh~ yong heng bu bian)

yu shang ni de ming yun xian du peng dao zhen ai de yi shun jian
liang ge ren de ming yun xian liang tiao lu you le yi yang zhong dian
yong yan shen wu xu ren he yu yan
zhi yao wang xiang bi ci jiu ting jian
yi shou wu sheng de he xian
zou zhe yong heng bu bian

_____________________________________________________________________

[English Translation]

The world is a lonely castle
Mutually seeking
On that day the bugle horns that announce love
Saw your smile

I am here and you on the opposite shore, searching
Days and nights flow away from us

In this sea of people I stretch out my hand to you
The courage that makes me want me catch hold of destiny
Love is a rugged road and I finally can hug you

Meeting your string of destiny, that split second where I experienced real love
The strings of destiny of two people, two roads leading to the same end point
other sights leave no memories
You are my most beautiful April day
Every fragment of memories
Made into the bookmarks of love

Meeting your string of fate, heaven means being right by your side
The strings of fate of two people; Happiness is held in the spaces between interlocked fingers
Through eyecontact there is no need for words
There is only a need to look towards the other to hear
A soundless harmony
Performing forever and never changing
Every day that I love you

The merry go round sings a minor D
Tow good are fairytales
We do not need the green birds of happiness
We just need to lean on each other

I am here and you on the opposite shore, searching
Days and nights flow away from us

In this sea of people I stretch out my hand to you
The courage that makes me want me catch hold of destiny
Love is a rugged road and I finally can hug you

Meeting your string of destiny, that split second where I experienced real love
The strings of destiny of two people, two roads leading to the same end point
other sights leave no memories
You are my most beautiful April day
Every fragment of memories
Made into the bookmarks of love

Meeting your string of fate, heaven means being right by your side
The strings of fate of two people; Happiness is held in the spaces between interlocked fingers
Through eyecontact there is no need for words
There is only a need to look towards the other to hear
A soundless harmony
Performing forever and never changing
Every day that I love you

Every page, there is love’s bookmark (in every page there is love’s bookmark)
Every line, forever unchanging (oh~ forever unchanging)

Meeting your string of destiny, that split second where I experienced real love
The strings of destiny of two people, two roads leading to the same end point
Through eyecontact there is no need for words
There is only a need to look towards the other to hear
A soundless harmony
Performing forever and never changing
Every day that I love you

How was it? SWEETTTT??????

"Meeting your string of fate, heaven means being right by your side~"

I. TOTALLY. AGREE. OHMYGOD.

BEAUTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some people must've experienced that kind of love-life story.. which makes me feel the need to squeal and hug them- to show how proud and envious I am towards them. 

Meeting someone destined for you, isn't it just romantic?

I also want that kind of destinyyyyyy!!!!!!!! T^T Ohmygod please~ hahahahh *God please bear with me, I'm kind of moody and needy* XD

Words are never enough for me to express my love for this song T_T what can I say!!!!!!!!! I'm all blank while imagining things like; can I meet someone destined for me in a destined way? *WTH that was confusing, wasn't it?*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~ KABOOOOM~! I'll just sulk in my bed T__________________________________________________T

thanks for reading this nonsense post, GOODNIGHT! <3